I've been waiting forever it seems

If you know my story, you'd know that more than anything I've always wanted to be a mother.
My dream has finally come true.

Mama & Papa

*Baby Registry

According to your due date you’ve got 3 days left…you know that’s just an estimate right? You could come today if you really wanted to, I wouldn’t be mad.

39 weeks, 4 days.
REALLY ZORA!? Are you really being stubborn ALREADY? Do you have any idea how many women in my birth club have given birth already? I’m so impatient, and I feel like you’re not even comfortable in there anymore because all you do is sleep and you barely kick me anymore. I get a few reassuring soft jabs and then it’s back to sleep. :| This morning your daddy told me that you’re not coming out because I’ve wanted you to come out so bad. I got mad at him of course, because it’s not my fault! Everyone wants you to make your entrance, not just me. So that means it’s everyone’s fault for putting too much pressure on you. :p

Anyways, I’m going to the doctor today, hopefully he’ll have some words of encouragement for me, like maybe that I’m miraculously 5 cm dilated and you’ll be coming tonight. Hahaha, I doubt it…but wishful thinking I guess. If you don’t come on your own I’ll be induced anywhere from 7-9 days after the 19th…and that will REALLY make it hard for me to have an all natural labor. So please, PLEASE, beautiful girl…come soon.

Full moon tonight!

Rumor has it that the gravitational pull on the day of a full moon causes more women to go into labor than on other days. It makes complete sense to me. Now hopefully Zora gets the hint and decides to be a statistic. :)

22 days till my due date. Not that I’m counting or anything….

It’s just about midnight, so technically I’m only a day from 37 weeks! Do you know what that means? I’ve just about reached term! It’s sort of surreal that my pregnancy is finally coming to an end. I’ve been having the weirdest pains lately, not only are my fingers and hands and feet tingly due to bad circulation, but when you move around inside my belly, I feel it in my hips and back, almost like you’re hitting my bones. I’m so ready to meet you, baby girl. I can’t decide what I’m the most excited for, but I do know that I’m excited for it all.

I don’t have much else to say right now, I’m in quite a bit of pain and I’ve got to pee yet again. I’m not sure what you’re doing, but I can only hope you’re settling further into my pelvis so I can push you out once it hits March. :) You can wait a couple days right? Just don’t wait too long. Please?

20 Day Pregnancy Challenge:
Day Twenty: What are you looking forward to most about being a mother?

Honestly, I don’ think I can come up with one answer for this question. I’ve been asked many, many times and I can’t pick one thing that I’m excited about most. I can’t wait to smell her soft baby skin, and kiss her little fingers and toes, I can’t wait to brush her hair and dress her up in adorable little clothes. I can’t wait to watch her smile, and hear her laugh, and comfort her when she’s upset. I’ve always wanted to be a mother, I’ve always wanted to bring a life into this world and nurture it along the way. I can’t wait to have the incredible bond between mother and child that is unmatchable by anything else. I look forward to the milestones, and documenting every step along the way. I look forward to having my own little happy family, and keeping it intact, something I never had growing up. I can’t wait for everything my future will bring.

20 day pregnancy challenge:
Day 19: Who will be in the delivery room with me?

Originally I had planned for just Benny and I. But I really wanted to document my labor, and at least the waist up shot of the delivery of Zora. Benny made it clear that he would NOT be the one filming, and that he wants to stay focused on the labor process with me. So I asked my mom and she gladly accepted. I’m hoping she remembers to keep her mouth shut about the possibility of using an epidural because I’ll kick her out and I need her there for pictures/video!

Then, I had been talking to Benny’s mom and she was telling me that one of her friends had asked her if she was going to be in the delivery room with me. Her response to them was that it was my decision and that because she isn’t my mom, and Benny and I aren’t married, she’s not entitled to be in there with us. After that conversation I did a lot of thinking, and I came to the conclusion that I do in fact really want her there. I’ve become really close with his mom over time and I definitely consider her my second mom. I treasure the good relationship we have and I feel that it would be special for her to see her first grandchild being born. So that’s it, me, Benny, his mom and my mom. Just enough support and not an overwhelming amount of people. Any more and I’d probably be so overwhelmed and uncomfortable I’d end up punching someone in the face.

20 day pregnancy challenge:
Day Eighteen: Do you plan on breastfeeding?

Of course, and I was fortunate enough to inherit a top of the line Medela breast pump from a friend. Hopefully it works out. I’m prepared for the crispy painful nipples and the first few weeks of hell, it’ll be worth it. :)

20 day pregnancy challenge:
Day Seventeen: Who will help you most when your baby is here?

Fortunately, Benny. I’m so lucky to have him around and willing to do everything he can to make it easier for me. Unfortunately, he wont be off of work for long and when he goes back to work, I’ll spend the majority of the days alone with Zora. I’m lucky to have Benny’s mom so close by as well, she’s so excited for her to arrive we could probably hand her a screaming colicky baby and she’d happily take her off our hands for a bit.

20 day pregnancy challenge:
Day Sixteen: Parenting tips you’ve learned from the internet or other moms.

I have gotten so many different tips, the ones that really stuck with me are;

no matter how painful it gets, breast feeding pays off if you deal with the first couple weeks of hell.
get baby on a schedule right when you get out of the hospital.
DO NOT assume that babies want complete silence when being put down for a nap. White noises like fans, running faucets and vacuums seem to do the trick.
Don’t be afraid to put them down for a second (in a bassinet or swing or crib) if they can’t stop crying. Step out of the room, take a deep breath, calm yourself down, and solve the problem with a clearer mind.
NEVER wait until they are sleeping to lay them down in the crib. Chances are they’ll either wake up when you put them down, or they’ll develop a bad habit of only falling asleep in your arms.

I’m getting impatient.

Daddy is rubbing my belly with lotion and freaking out every time you move.

35 weeks 4 days. Today I went to my last two week OB appointment. I had my GBS test, which was just awkward, and then I asked for a cervical check to see if I was dilating at all yet. My doctor hates me so he just was like ‘nope, you’re not ahead of schedule’ and that was that. :| I also found out that I’ve now reached a whopping 170 lbs! Which means I’ve gained 45 lbs, with 4 weeks to go. For the longest time I dwelled on the amount of weight I was gaining, it made me sad that I let myself eat that much. It made me feel like everyone who claimed that ‘I’m all belly’ was just trying to spare my feelings. But then I realized, I don’t look horrible. I may have gained more than the ideal amount of weight for a pregnancy, but some women gain upwards of 50 lbs, and lose it all within a year. I’m growing a beautiful baby girl inside of me, who just so happens to be hungry all the time.

I’ve got a plan to get back to the old me, and to be honest..if I don’t get my old body back completely, I wont be devastated. I’ll have my daughter. The one thing I’ve wanted forever, to be a mom, will finally have been fulfilled. My lifelong goal wasn’t to be thin with nice boobs and flawless skin, and the perfect body. It was to be able to experience this.

20 day pregnancy challenge:
Day 15: How am I feeling?

At this specific moment? Fine. Kind of drained, which is utterly embarassing seeing as it’s only 12:20 and all I’ve done today was changed a load of laundry, walked to the kitchen to get my cheesecake, and, drumroll…..took a shower and SHAVED! I seriously have put off shaving my legs, and…other parts for some time. It doesn’t bother me, or Benny so I don’t have any real reason to do so. But since today is my 36 week appointment, I’ll most likely be getting my Group B Strep test and hopefully a cervical check, and I feel that I owe the OB a nice clean area, so he doesn’t have to use a weed wacker to get to anything. At this point it doesn’t really matter just how dilated I am, or how effaced I am, I just want to know! Maybe I’ll get a better idea as to if I’m progressing at all or not.

In general, I feel like garbage! I feel like I’ve been riding horses for hours, I walk like a bow legged cowboy and the pain in my back causes me to limp around like a cripple. I get hot flashes, and throughout the night my belly literally aches, which I don’t really know why. Every pain is just so confusing, I don’t know what’s normal, what’s a contraction…. My heartburn gets bad at night, and like clockwork, 4:30 rolls around and I’m wide awake with the burning desire to pee every 30 minutes. Although I know little Zora needs to be in there a bit longer, knowing that all she’s really doing at this point is gaining weight, reeeeeeally makes me wish I’d just go into labor. Especially because we’ve got EVERYTHING we need for her now.

35 weeks, 1 day. I’ve been nesting like crazy the past couple of days. Washing baby clothes, organizing the closet and putting lists together to get a better understanding on what we need, and where we need to get it from. Although grandma got a travel system early on, I’m becoming incredibly paranoid about the fact that it was pre owned, and I don’t know what it’s been through. Daddy and I would rather be safe than sorry, and we’re getting a different carseat and a snap n go stroller for you. It’ll be cuter anyways. ;)
You’ve been causing a ruckus inside of me, little girl. I haven’t been able to walk very much today because of the back pain I’m experiencing, not to mention your feet seem to always meet the left side of my rib cage. I can’t wait for my body to go back to normal, especially because that means I’ll have you in my arms instead of in my belly. :) 34 day till your due date. (Please come a little bit sooner, I’m dying to see what you look like)

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